Tips On Helping Grieving Parents.

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12 Tips on helping grieving parents.

Steps

  1. 1
    Remember that your help or support will be needed long term. It is going to take time.
  2. 2
    There will be false starts, and setbacks. Be prepared for the emotional ups and downs with them. Your love and compassion is just what they need.
  3. 3
    Start by attending the funeral and any memorial service. It doesn't matter what you need to cancel to be there. Making the effort to attend means a lot to the parents and shows them how much you care about their lost child, and that you are counted among those who intend to remember and aid the family in their time of loss.
  4. 4
    Do some errands and fetch groceries for the parents
    Be practical. Grieving parents need space to grieve. You can help this by providing meals, offering to keep the garden tidy, cleaning the house, or running errands for them. Do the everyday mundane things that suddenly seem pointless to them. Stay in close contact; simply calling and visiting can be a huge source of practical support.
  5. 5
    Be free with physical shows of support. Give lots of hugs. Give the parent your shoulder to cry on literally.
    • Hold the parent and let them cry. Many many tears are normal and healthy.
  6. 6
    Do some research on the grieving process. Go online and read about what parents feel when they lose a child. Jump into forums and talk to other people about their feelings and the things that helped them through during the initial stages of their grief. Sites such as Compassionate Friends can be a good place to start.
  7. 7
    Expect the grief to increase not decrease. This is grief for life, even if one day it is be the perennial missing-part-of-the-heart type grief; it's not something to "get over". Accept that there is no time frame on grief. For now, it will continue to grow in magnitude and you are much needed as the grief overwhelms your friend. Be a shoulder to cry on, someone who will listen, someone who will not judge, and someone who will keep being there, no matter what. Accept that a bereaved parent will never ever get over the loss of their child, but know in time, lots of time, they will get through it.
    • Don't ever tell the parent to "Get over it", or "Get on with your life, your child would want you to."
    • Never say "You can always have more children" if the parent is mourning the death of a baby or very young child. This is one of the most insensitive things to say to a grieving parent. And grandchildren are no substitute for lost adult children either; just don't go down this avenue of platitudes.
    • One really good phrase is simply: "Tell me how you feel." This lets the parent open up and talk in any direction wished. And to cry or scream if they want to as well.
  8. 8
     Don't try to mend things and don't try to counsel or advise.
    Don't try to mend things and don't try to counsel or advise. Unless you're professionally trained to handle grief, leave this part to the professionals. Your role is as someone who cares, listens, and respects the grieving parent. If you're inclined to offer religious or personally based advice, be one hundred percent sure it's welcome.
    • Allow the parent to talk about their child.
    • Allow the parent to cry, scream, sob, and be angry. Simply allow them to feel all of their feelings. It's their right.
    • If you don't know what to say, say nothing, just listen. Saying nothing is better than saying something like, "He is in a better place", "He is with God now", etc. If you feel better saying something, simply explain that you don't know what to say if that's what you're feeling. It's better to be honest than to bumble along and potentially make things worse.
    • Don't force or overly encourage the parent to socialize, or return to work.
    • Never put them down or discourage them from seeking support online with other bereaved parents.
  9. 9
    Never compare a child's death with a non-child death of your own you've experienced. The loss of a child carries very different connotations from the loss of a parent, sibling, or friend. Parents will often tell you that they wish it could have been them instead of the child and this is a feeling that haunts them for many years after. The pain after loss of a child does differ from any other loss of a person you know and love; accept this and acknowledge it where needed.
    • Share your pain over the loss of their child, but remember your pain is nowhere near their pain unless you have lost a child yourself. There is no greater pain than the death of one's child. Never tell a bereaved parent you know how they feel or you understand because you probably do not.
    • Do not compare the loss of your job, marriage, pet, or grandparent to the loss of their child.
  10. 10
    Don't be afraid to talk about the child. Every parent wants to know their child is not forgotten. And listen to the parents when they want to talk about their child. Whether the child was young or an adult, there will be many memories that the parents will want to talk about, as a way of bringing the child back into temporary existence.
    • If you talk about their child and they cry, it's okay. Allow them their tears, and know that you didn't hurt them.
  11. 11
     Stay in touch
    Don't just disappear. This can be the ultimate letdown for a grieving parent, to lose someone who was once a friend, a rock. The concern you feel at not knowing what to say or do is nothing compared to the pain, sadness, and loneliness the grieving parent experiences. It's better to put your foot into it and apologize than to just fade away and cease to be a resource your friend can count on.
    • Remember the parent on Mother's Day and Father's Day, they are still a parent.
    • Remember the child's birthday. Send a card saying that you remember their child.
    • Remember the child's date of death. Send a thinking of you card, call them, share good memories about their child, and listen.
  12. 12
    Give them space. As well as letting them know you're there for them, also accept that the bereaved parent may want to seclude themselves. Be wise to signals of distress about having you around and gently withdraw, still letting them know that you're there for them whenever they need you, just a call or text away.

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